Parenting Core Practice One
Core Temperaments and Emotional Connections
Coaches, teachers and parents who understand that the first Heartwise parenting core practice is about a “good temperament fit” or being able to shift to meet your child’s needs for emotional connections. through core temperaments can tailor their parenting, coaching or teaching styles specifically to capitalize on their children’s strengths. Only through an emotional connection to you do children manage life and feel motivated to explore, learn and achieve. Now that you understand the parenting core practices revolve around the four temperaments and their attributes,
Have you ever felt that you and your child speak different languages when it comes to tackling tasks? Do you feel your children don’t hear you? When they cry or misbehave, do you understand what dynamic simmers below the surface behavior? Do you chalk up your incompatibilities or miscommunications to an underlying personality conficts? If so, you’re onto something… powerful interactions that spark connection. The is the heartwise parenting core practice foundation from which we support the connection to our child.
If you are not connecting, your core temperament is not reaching your student, child or team member.Anyone who has spent time around children notices that each child has a unique and different way of interacting with people, places and tasks. Whether we are teachers, little league coaches or parents, if we are not connecting emotionally with children, we are not being heard, felt or respected. Point is…neither are the children. Knowing and responding to a child’s core style will repair the disconnections and provide an environment for success.
Even as adults, we notice that different people in our lives have diverse approaches to handing stress, tackling tasks and navigating through life’s sticky situations. We’re all born with a natural predisposition to interact with people and do tasks in a certain way, and it’s this unique constellation of how we do what we do that is our own core temperament.
For example, Sandy is a super organized mom who breaks for the Container Store, and her son Josh is a laid-back daydreamer who easily is consumed by his thoughts, which often take him off task. While Sandy waits at the door, briefcase and coffee in hands, Josh is wandering about the living room, looking for a Game Boy he just can’t find and he still hasn’t eaten his breakfast! Sandy can’t stand to be late and grows increasingly frustrated each morning that Josh isn’t moving fast enough. Sure enough, she starts screaming, “Why can’t you get it together? Why do you always do this?
At times, Sandy feels that Josh intentionally tries to make them both late for their morning destinations. The real truth is that Sandy and Josh have different ways of interacting with their world. Sandy doesn’t know how to connect with Josh to motivate his movement or focus.
The heartwise parenting core practice also includes being able to shift a parenting viewpoint and empathize with your child. Otherwise, this clash of core temperaments is often at the root of miscommunications, unpleasant interactions and the misunderstandings of expectations, like the one Josh and Sandy experienced.
The good news is, that once parents understand their child’s core temperament, communication and relations always become enjoyable, more productive and more effective, step two in adapting the parenting core practice to listening and responding. Once Sandy identified that Josh’s core temperament wasn’t compelled by a ticking clock, she looked for something that would inspire him to help mom and get them both get out of the house on time. Sandy found success in setting up a solid morning routine through which Josh helped his mom with morning breakfast and organization. Josh felt connected to Sandy when she appreciated him for helping her, and he did so gladly.
In addition to being part of the force that drives us to do what we do, the way we do it, our core core temperament is the foundation from which we
• Build our values,
• Shape our preferences
• Formulate our reactions to the world around us.
Core temperaments are why some people thrive when working on deadline, and others can barely function by the clock. It is why some kids learn by reading and others learn by doing.
© Dr. Caron Goode